The Pain of Loss

Over the years, I haven’t had to deal with very much death, for which I’m grateful.  Most of my loss came in the form of losing different aspects of my life to which I had grown accustomed.  However, the few times I’ve had to deal with the pain of losing someone, I’ve had to wrestle with it.  My grandfather died two years before I was born but there isn’t a single day that goes by that I don’t think about him.  Today, he would’ve turned 69.  It’s kind of a hard day for me simply because I don’t know what to do.  I wonder whether I should spend more time thinking about him and celebrating his memory or if I should take some quiet time to simply breathe and be.

Not knowing my grandfather made it easier to cope with as a kid.  Being a kid, you don’t realize what you don’t have if you never had it.  As I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown to miss him more.  Where would I be if I had him in my life?  How different would my life be?  How different would I be?  It’s hard to imagine one person could impact your life so drastically, but I guess you never know.  Over the course of the past year, I’ve had to actively deal with this pain and actually find a way to cope.  So far, what’s helped most overall has been asking for stories.  Finding stories and pictures and videos has helped a lot.  Even though it hurts a bit, it sorta makes things a little more bearable.

I don’t know that it’ll ever get easier, but at least I’m learning as I go.  Maybe one of these days.